I understand that:
– You love your business and you’re alllll about it
– You want someone who ‘gets’ what you do and why
– You want someone who loves and appreciates the same things you do
– You want a dog/cat lover like you
– You want someone who appreciates deep pan pizzas and likes watching National Geographic, (or whatever else you’re into!) 😉
I understand that you want an entrepreneurial partner who can work from Starbucks in the afternoon too!
Can we get back to reality now?
Sometimes what you THINK you want and what you actually NEED are different things…
This is an excerpt from A Book About Love:
“Another recent paper summarized the results of 313 separate studies, concluding that the similarity of personality and preferences—such as, the scientists say, “matching people who prefer Judd Apatow’s movies to Woody Allen’s with people who feel the same way”— had no effect on relationship well-being. Meanwhile, a 2010 study of twenty-three thousand married couples found that the similarity of spouses accounted for less than 0.5 percent of spousal satisfaction. In short, what we think we want in a spouse—someone who is just like us and likes all the same things—and what we want in real life are fundamentally mismatched.”
Similarities in personality and preferences are NOT what you should be focused on. You don’t need to have the same type of interests or lifestyle or work.
Here’s another excerpt explaining what you SHOULD be looking for in common:
“John Gottman at the University of Washington has amassed a persuasive body of evidence that meta-emotions are the real signal variable in terms of predicting whether or not a marriage will last. Do you believe you should express anger? Or do you believe in holding it in and waiting for it to fizzle out? Do you think happiness should be shared but anger should be suppressed? Sharing your meta-emotional style gives you a common emotional template, a common language.”
You need to be able to speak the same ‘language’ you need to have the same values/morals/priorities.
So the next time you look for your perfect partner, focus on the things that MATTER… not whether or not they like sushi and hiking too.
BTW, I met my soulmate when I was 33 years old in only 4 months. But only AFTER I got super clear what it was I NEEDED in a life partner.
Now I am on a mission to teach others the same methods and lessons I’ve learned to get my ‘happily ever after’.
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